waterfalls i live beneath...

I see the smiling glasses transfigured eyes of my 1^st grade sweet son

I feel his still so soft hand slide into mine as I walk him home

Tenderly caressing his earlobe as I always have

Love sheltering us both from the embarrassment of someone seeing 

And thinking he is too old for affection

All I can think is he could have been a loss, tragic and true

But instead he was a face crowded by a pacifier

Peacefully sipping on dreams, nursing at a breast long waiting to be life to a child

I hear the clip clop of pink plastic sleeping beauty heels

On the small daughter with the side ponytail

 And tendrils dripping down her cheeks

In the dress she wore to look like mommy

On the walk to get her brother

All I can think is she could have been a miscarriage; silent and dark

But instead she was a tiny cry bursting with breath

Smelling sweet to her daddy’s senses pressing his face into her neck

Drinking her in like cool sweet clean water in a long dry desert day

Do I know faith and its fruits?

Shall I accept the good and not the bad?

Is a baby that lives the fulfillment of my faith?

Or is it found in the rest I find

When I throw my hands up in surrender

And yield to who You are and who I am not?

Here I sit crumpled up in sobs undone on the kitchen floor beneath my skin

Sprawled under a waterfall of gratefulness

To micah on our 8 year and 4 month anniversary... I love you just because...

To my Micah- 

I see a bed of tumbled up sheets, every time I see the white inside your eyes,

And I savor the deep blue that lives there always carrying surprise

When your arm reaches out

And I’m almost not ready for how beautifully close it comes

There in the quiet, in the sacred

I put my heart up for your ransom

Husband you tickle my senses, persuading me of loves truth, giving me all

Oh husband, you empty my defenses, crush my apathy against a back alley wall

When the words we said taste stale and sharp and dead

After a heated moment that wanted our mouths pushed against each others instead

There I see it burning like the fire the little girl dreamed

Before you made her a woman, and taught her the joy of reality

Every time I see that lazy smile creep across your lips

Laughter threatening to spill out of your lungs

I close my eyes and imagine eternity filled with joy

I taste deep red wine on the very tip of my tongue

Wine that tastes like communion, things that make me remember

This covenant would not, could not be

If Jesus had not taught us how to love, how to see

By dying first, choosing first, loving first before we knew how

Jesus, teach me to covenant myself to my husband like eternity

In the here and the now