The heaviness sinks deep deep down into the lowest parts of
me today and it drips like melted wax, covering over what I thought might
breathe today.
Oh how grief is so changing, one day it is light and kind with
warm memories to soothe its harsh tones…
Other days it swings at me like an ax, threatening to sever
my hearts tendrils that connect me with the rest of the world…Isolating me like an old cabin on a cold mountain...
Words are not as kind as i hope they might have been today, but i don't have the energy to hide my heart from those who would hurt me with words they just can't help but say... I just have to forgive them... Let it rise like sweet incense to You Lord...
I let my Kasey and my Micah hold me and grieve with me today... It is such a comfort to be loved and not alone in grief...
Today i am missing that large lump called my
baby in my belly in front of me, the maternity outfit i was planning on
wearing today... The kicks i am aching to feel... the fullness she gave my womb
Aurora says to me," mommy your belly is so small" Yes honey, u grieve with me... in your own little way...
Oh my mercy, i carry you every day within me, even tho
my belly is no longer big... You are in every single breath...
I miss
you today like Abraham missed Isaac when he thought he would have to
sacrifice him unto obedience.
And i love you today like Abraham did after God told him to lay his hands off the child... He could see that he
loved his God enough to say yes...
Honey baby, mommy chooses yes
today...
Though it slays me within... It also lets my joy sneak up and
surprise me with little whisperings of holding you, what seems like
years will only be as moments soon enough...
Soon enough my little love,
soon enough... i love you forever
Jesus is the kindest friend...
Psalm 73:28 "But as for me, the nearness of God is my good; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that i may tell of all Your works within me" (Italics added)
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