A huge feeling looms above me, making it heavier than it has to be.
Two words, hanging in the air, with threatening undertones- ALONE ~ UNKNOWN
But its here in my sadness, my choices are set before me.
Will i choose to recall the truth, or shall i sit and make friends with this lie?
I take a deep breath, and oh how the truth it sings and echoes close to my inner ear.
Here it comes, stirring up these stagnant waters within, whispering in my barren places and caressing the emptiness of wounds that would threaten to leave a scar.
Oh my Love, you have known me deep, and known me well...
In all this barren, in all my falling, in all my rising.
When i am light, and especially when i am dark, Savior you know me...
And this is the kindest feeling, to be known...
Like warm water cascading over my curves, so you have known me Jesus and you have comforted my lonely ache like only you can.
After all, you have known that this would be the road i would have to walk and you have known the way to take me down it with the least amount of pain possible.
But you have been merciful enough to let me know pain, you knew i would need it to fully know love. The kind of love that lays its life down to preserve my life from the pain of death... You take the sting away...
You knew when my placenta was forming that it would never fully form properly.
And it was laying on that hospital bed discovering the hematoma existed that you came close and visited my inner most parts and spoke into my subconscious.
You spoke hope you didn't have to speak.
You gave me hope for my little girl to be rescued from the death dealer.
You lent me hope to see her come close to my heart, snuggled up in my arms.
You could have been so cruel, and told me like so many medical professionals did that she was going to die. After all, you knew this to be the dreadful sorrow i have known...
But instead, you knew me!
You knew i was frail and needed hope to hold onto in order to walk this road well...
Aridai often says to me, "Mercy is alive with Jesus"
Yes sweet boy, she has woken from this curse and gone away to the castle in the sky called eternity.
She has transcended time and space, and scaled clouds effortlessly.
She has tumbled into a lap where there is no unanswered questions, and there is no fear of being unknown or alone.
So today i am asking for some eternity to dip into my heart, naming me and claiming me.
Sweetly seduce me with Truth.
You have known me completely, comforting something buried deep deep down in this pain- the comfort that someone knew with no question that this would be my journey.
There was never any mystery within it to You.
You carved this path with kindness, so that i could walk it in my tenderness and sensitivity and not be shattered.
This is the kindness of a lover who does not need light to know my shape.
The lover who does not need me to tell Him what i need.
He does not need my eyes to ask to be known, He just is; He just does.
He is the lover that introduces me to myself, guiding me on a journey through the rooms within me and the caverns without...
And though i would tend to be afraid this be a heart that would be painful to know, He looks at me with those eyes and fills me down to my toes.
It brings him great pleasure to know me, the greatest pleasure he has known has been to know me.
And i find myself speechless, the breath knocked out of my chest as it sinks in deep.
How known will you give in to being?
May my ache be intercession for you, Hope does not ever dissapoint...
Keep Hoping...
The gift of my daughter aurora gives me hope for the future...
She is joy that has surprised me with its hope...
Today i sit and remember that day she was born and as she sits in my lap now, my little four year old lady, I speak the truth of her name as intercession over my womb...
Jesus you make all things new, i look with hope to the dawning of a new day...
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